phx 2020.

After I came back from New Orleans last year he asked if he could go on a plane one day the next time I went on a trip.  I said 'yes,' and that was that, and he didn't really bring it up much after that.  Until about last fall, and then he really started asking about going on an airplane ride in earnest.  So I booked a short flight two and from Phoenix for us, and last month we got to surprise him with the trip!

It was my first time flying with a kid, and I have to admit I was pretty nervous.  (A million times more nervous than I've ever been flying by myself, that's for sure.)  I figured it was either going to go extremely well OR extremely terribly.  Jon was pretty convinced that he would have to drive down to Arizona to pick us up in the event that Theo would not get back on the plane to go home.

But he loved it!!  He was so excited and cute the whole time.  He had the hardest time waiting (try teaching an autistic 5yo that the majority of the time spent flying by plane is WAITING), but he wasn't scared or nervous in the ways I thought he might.  It definitely helped that he slept through the most intense turbulence I have ever experienced in my flying life.  I will be eternally grateful for that nap he took during that portion of the flight.

I also made sure that we stayed close to the light rail, which was our transportation source AND a chance for Theo to also get to ride a train.  He loved it, but again had trouble waiting for our stop.

I kept the itinerary light, which is to say that it was basically non-existent.  I knew that Theo (and me, honestly) would not be able to handle an even remotely-full schedule, so we essentially did one quick trip to a bookstore and then spent the rest of our trip at the library.  And good grief, did I miss the Phoenix Public Libraries.  The Burton Barr branch looks amazing post-renovations, and it was so nice to be in a place with a wide selection of books and activities for kids.  I definitely had library envy while we were on this trip, both as a patron and as a worker.

I also remembered how important the Phoenix Library system was to me, especially when I was postpartum with Theo.  There are so many different ways that the library, in its proximity or in its vast collections, helped me get through one of the hardest times of my life.  I know it sounds dramatic to say that the library saved my life, but at the time it really did feel like that.

(Also, just for fun: throwback to baby Theo on a walk to the Agave branch of the Phoenix library :)

We stayed in the cutest and most amazing Airbnb I've booked to date.  Theo was in love with it and when we he was tired of being out and about, he would ask when we were going back to the White House, which is what he called the place.  It had a few toys for kids, tons of snacks, and Netflix cued up, which is basically the Holy Trinity of necessities for traveling with kids.  We definitely will try and stay here again if we were go back to the area.  (Theo keeps asking me if "next time" we can take Dad and Vivi to the White House)

Now.
In case you're confused and thinking,

SERIOUSLY.  YOU WENT BACK TO PHOENIX AFTER COMPLAINING ABOUT IT FOR A DECADE.  WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.

I KNOW.  I get it, okay?!?  I thought the exact same thing.  In fact, in preparation for this trip, I had this scene from Avatar: The Last Airbender constantly going through my head:

I think Phoenix will forever be my "Failure at Ba Sing Se."  Don't judge me if I decide to open up a tea shop there years from now.


Have I mentioned how freaking perfect the weather was when we stayed??  One day on a walk in the beautiful neighborhood where we stayed, I caught myself thinking Why did I ever hate living here??  It's because there is a special power that comes from Januarys in Phoenix that magically wipes your brain of all the weather trauma the place inflicts on you the rest of the year.

Anyway, Theo's first trip via airplane was a success!  I'm so glad we got to experience this trip together, and it also proves we have a whole world open for visiting with this boy when he's ready.

(But also when Vivi's older because the thought of taking her on a plane right now makes me break out in a sweat.)

five years!

Young Theodore is five!  It's nearly one month since his actual birthday, and I'm still a little bit in shock that my first baby is five years-old.  How did this happen??

Theo is as sweet as ever and is still the most loving member of our family.  He's so funny, and that has only grown moreso as his communication abilities have exploded this year.  He now tells us cute little stories (usually he just retells the time last year that we hit a deer with our car and it was "super scary" but "we were okay").  My favorite thing is to hear him narrate his play and all of the cute little things he says on behalf of his toys.

Happy birthday to my big boy.  Please grow up a little slower this year.

four years!

Why does 4 seem so much bigger than 3?  I die a little inside every time my kids go up a clothing size, but going from 3 to 4 is a new kind of Babies-Keep-Growing Tragedy.

Theo is a wonderful little boy who is kind and sweet and so full of love for his family.  Jon, Vivi, and I are incredibly lucky to be loved so much by Theo each and every day.  Every night before bed we say "I love..." and he fills in the blank with each person in our family.  Sometimes he says "dad" five million times before he says "mom" once (and giggles the entire time), but he always says everyone's name at least once before the night ends.

His favorite thing is his school bus, which he gleefully waits for each morning.  Sometimes he has his backpack on as soon as he wakes up and we have to come up with things to do for two hours while we wait, but I'm just glad he loves school.  He has the best time and his teachers and aides are so great.  He comes home having learned new things every week, and he is devastated every day he doesn't get to ride the bus.

He loves our new house and our new neighborhood.  I've seen his quality of life improve so much in the short time that we've been here.  Which is not to say he was an unhappy in Arizona, but he really is enjoying his life and everything Ephraim has to give him.

Happy Birthday, my little 4-year-old.  Let's see what growth this new year brings.  💙

last day of school 2018.

Yesterday was Theo's last day of school.  He doesn't really understand it to be sad, but if he did he would be!  He definitely had a rough start, but eventually grew to love school.  Especially those buses!

We are really pleased with the progress Theo made, and I'm endlessly grateful to each of his teachers and aides who helped him with his speech and development.  God bless them for their hard work and fingers crossed that enough Arizonans support teachers with their votes in November.  hashtag, Red4Ed.

(PS, too late for the Arizona Red4Ed moment I thought of a clever tweet:  the most magical part of The Magic School Bus is the 8:1 class size. #Red4Ed)

(PPS, publishing tweets on blogs is going to be the new thing.  If blogs ever stop being the old thing.)



Anyway, I'm proud of my little guy and excited for his continued growth.

And we'll miss you, Bus That Drives Past Our House Every Day.

mother's day 2018.

I don't have much to say this Mother's Day, except that the way Theo says "love you!" is "mom-mom!"  It's kind of perfect.

But not quite as perfect as they are!

my kids were really good to me this week.

The other day I made Vivienne laugh for the first time.  Her tiny giggle was so cute, and I can't wait to hear it again. She is a funny little bunny and I'm so glad she's in my life and with our family.

But Theo really took the cake this week.  I was busy doing some chore in the house and I could hear Theo jibber-jabbering like normal, but I wasn't exactly listening to him.  But then I heard it.

"Mom."



I don't know how long he had been saying it, it could have been for a long time.  But the reason I didn't hear it is because I've never heard it before.  This week marks the first where Theo has called me "mom" without any prompting from me first, and I can barely get enough.  Last night I purposefully kept walking out of the room he was in so that as soon I was out of his sight he'd yell "MOM!!"

To be honest, it never really bothered me that much that I never heard Theo call me "mom" for all that time.  His speech delay hasn't been as significant a source of worry as it might be for other parents who experience the same thing.  Theo is happy and healthy and I'm thankful every day for that.  Communication troubles aside, I think he's a stellar kid and is doing just fine.

I've been shocked this week in how amazing it feels to hear my kid call me by name and verbalize my relationship to him.  I'm glad that I didn't know what I was missing all that time because it would have been pretty depressing.  But damn!  I really didn't know what I was missing.

I sure love being these a mom to these kids.

some things.

1. Man, this "winter" has been freakishly warm.  Or at least, it seems that way?  At this point, 70s and 80s might be the norm for Phoenix winters.  After walking home from Theo's school last week we were all sweating and turned on the air conditioning for a bit.  And there hasn't been a single day this season where I've been like, "it's finally cold enough to drink hot chocolate!"  NOT A SINGLE ONE.  Damn you, climate change.

2. The other season I've been annoyed with is Flu/Cold.  Theo and Jon were sick most of January, and last week Vivi and I caught colds.  It was definitely the hardest it has been as a family of four, and we were in survival mode the entire time.  Thankfully it's over for now, and Jon and I are seriously contemplating keeping our children housebound until April.  No more colds, please!

3.  Other than the colds though, the kids are great.  Theo is so gentle and loving toward his little sister, and Vivi is very patient with her slightly overbearing big brother.  I hope as Vivi grows up that they form a good sibling-ship!

showing her the ropes

4. Theo is loving school.  He's adding words to his repertoire all the time and almost always tries to mimic what we say when we ask him to copy us.  Next week we have parent-teacher conferences, and I honestly can't wait!  We're so proud of our funny little guy.

ham

He's also really embracing his artistic side.  Every morning he does a quick painting with the paints he got for Christmas.  Lately he's been adding some crayon scribbles to his paintings for some mixed media creations.  We've been taping them to the walls of our dining room, but we are running out of space!

5.  Vivienne is a very sleepy baby.  I think she has a few more minutes of awake time every day, but up until last week she was still sleeping allllll day.  She sleeps well at night... but her night sleep doesn't start until past midnight.  We're hoping for a bedtime that's a bit more friendly to us soon.

She's also giving us daily smiles and every day uses her cute little voice a bit more.  I think one of the hardest things about that first month of having a baby is that there isn't a lot of love that comes from the little babe to cut through the hard stuff.  It's amazing how much smiles and coos brighten the mood, and I'm glad we've finally gotten to that stage.

immediately post-bath: the only time her hair is manageable and tame!

6. The Eagles are Super Bowl Champs, babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!  I was definitely doubtful (slash, not wanting to get my hopes up) about our ability to step up and play, but we did it!  Before the game I was thinking about how the B-B era Patriots are probably the toughest (and most obnoxious) SB opponents to have, but victory over them would be SO SO SWEET.  And it is!!  I made Vivi cry with my screaming, and I think Theo was confused/a little freaked out.  But it was such a good, fun game to watch and the best feeling to have them win.  Also, I hate to be that guy, but I liked Nick Foles before he went and won us a Super Bowl.  He stepped up to the plate and helped us to wins with Chip Kelly a few years ago, and somehow that was all forgotten in the obsession with Carson Wentz.  Count me a lifelong Foles Fan, even though he's a Wildcat.  Anyway.  E-A-G-L-E-S  EAGLES!!

three years!

Happy Birthday to my three-year-old!  Please stop growing up so fast, it's breaking my heart.  You're the absolute best and are forever my favorite little boy.

two years!

Young Theodore is now two!

Theo is a funny kid who constantly entertains us.  It's impossible to know how many nights before I fall asleep I just scroll through every picture and video of him on my phone, but it has been A LOT.  He's funny, sweet, and weird which is actually the perfect combination of traits for a toddler to have.

Theo's favorite day of the week is Monday, which is garbage truck day.  I try to plan for us to be at home Monday mornings so he can wave to every garbage truck that drives by.  In fact he will wave to any truck he sees, including extra-large pickup trucks.  Bonus points for any vehicles with flashing lights we see while out on the road.  Theo might be the only person who gets excited to see red and blue flashing lights while in the car.

Theo's least favorite day of the week is Sunday, which is "I-have-to-wear-stuffy-clothes-and-be-quiet-for-a-long-time" day.  Would you believe it if I found myself thinking multiple times this year: "Man, I took YSA wards for granted."?  Sundays were rough for us most of this year, but we are hopeful.  In a few weeks our services will start at 9:00 am.  Which, YOU GUYS.  We have lived every bit of Theo's life (HIS NAPPING LIFE) with 11:00 am church and it is a miracle we're still living.  Also, Theo is fully in nursery without one of his parents there, and it certainly took forever to get to this point, but we're here and it's amazing.  Praise every nursery teacher who has ever calmed a screaming child.

Theo loves to "help."  Be it at the grocery store, in the garage doing laundry, or cleaning up spilled water, he is very into being of assistance.  I've also come to learn that when he is stuffing random objects under door cracks or into chests or bookshelf areas where they don't belong, it's his way of tidying up.  I tell you, the day I figured that out I just about melted.

He also loves to "fist bump," so if you ever meet him and he's being really shy just hold out your fist and ask for knucks.  Instant ice-breaker.

He loves to be outside, gives the best hugs, gets sad when someone on tv cries, and will laugh hysterically at a two second video of a completely black screen.  Funny, sweet, and weird.

Happy birthday, Theo.  I think you're just the best.

the ten commandments of being THB's mother.

1. Thou shalt not covet thy son's eyelashes.

2. Thou shalt always give him the last bite of the snack you're sharing - it doesn't matter if it's small, or if you have eaten more of the snack than he has.

3. Thou shalt not leave the bathroom door open, or else all of the q-tips will end up on the floor.

4. Thou shalt stifle your laughter when he takes a slapstick-like spill not on purpose.

5. Thou shalt be accepting of his fascination with birds, even though you're scared of them.

6. Thou shalt be accepting of him splashing in the bathtub, because at least he takes baths.

7. Thou probably shouldn't have bought a refrigerator with a bottom freezer because now the ice cream sandwiches are within his reach.

8. Thou shalt not bother becoming exasperated when he empties the bookshelves of their contents because it happens 50 times a day and isn't worth it.

9. Thou shalt not leave the bag/box of Lamar's donuts out on the counter where he can see unless you want to hear lots of whining and begging.

10. Thou shalt try not to cry when you catch a glimpse of what he'll look like in five years and end up being like, wait I thought I had a baby...?

scenes from the backyard.

We are almost two months into living in our house, and so far the backyard is our favorite place.

Weather-wise, we're in that sweet spot where it's warm during the day (but not too warm!) and at night it cools down.  (basically, it's summertime in PA minus the humidity, which is all I ever wanted summer to be like growing up)  It's a little bittersweet because that hot heat is just around the corner, but we are enjoying ourselves while we can. (I hope Jon is bracing himself for the annual onslaught of my Arizona summer complaints ;)  It has been warm enough that two times we've let Theo have some sprinkler time.  In both cases, they were largely spontaneous, which is why he's pictured half-dressed.  (Not because he's self conscious of his swim body, HA.)

Another reason I love the yard is because Theo gets extra cute when we're out there.  We spend almost every day out on a picnic blanket just laying in the warm sun, and Theo likes to come over to and rest his head on me.  He's also really generous when I ask for kisses.  I think he's his best self when he's out there.

I'm not ready to give you up, nice Arizona weather.  Please stay!

happy easter 2016.

twelve months!

I am officially the parent of a one year old.  How is that even possible???

Theo is constantly moving, so half of the pictures we take of him are blurry.  He prefers the fastest mode of transportation, which is why he hasn't been so keen on adopting his next stages of movement.  It was the army crawl for the longest time, since he could worm around faster than anything else.  Now it's the regular crawl, which he really gets into sometimes by bowing his head down and slapping his hands down on the floor.  He has taken about three steps total in his life, which were around a month ago.  He hasn't shown any interest in it since.  But I am sure that when he does take on upright mobility, his preferred state will be running.  Help.  (I actually had a dream last night in which he was running in a circle and I've been deciding on whether or not I should categorize that dream as a nightmare.)

He loves to eat and drink.  Thus far he is very willing to try just about anything we put near his mouth (including non-food items).  His favorite foods are ice cream, raspberries, peas, and bread.  He loves to drink from his straw-sippy-cup, but more than that he loves to suck up the water and then let it dribble out of his mouth and all over his clothes and wherever he is sitting.

He is just starting to pay attention to the television.  He still tends to only be interested whenever there is music playing.  I have a Youtube playlist of Disney songs I play when I need him to focus up on something for a short time.  Without a doubt though, his favorite thing to watch is 101 Dalmatians.  I often play the opening song and credits over and over whenever he is in crisis or cranky, and it calms him down nearly ever time.  Honestly, it has been one of the biggest lifesavers, and to the person who uploaded it onto Youtube... I owe you so much.  I think maybe I should ask you to be Theo's godparent.

He prefers no clothes, and relishes the times when I am too tired to change him into something new and he gets to crawl around in just a diaper.  He also loves bath time splashing water all over and his favorite tub toy is the bottle of baby shampoo.

He is sooooooo loud, like unbelievably loud, and it is hilarious but also a little embarrassing when he has an nonsense-rambling outburst in public.  This kid wants to talk, there's no question about it.  Once he learns he will probably never stop.

He is a cranky waker-upper and an avid animal cracker eater.  The best way to get his attention is to start playing a video of himself (sometimes he literally only listens to himself).  He hates cuddling, he loves the wind all in his face, and he is the hammiest ham and cheese sandwich ever.  With extra cheese.

Happy Birthday, young Theodore!  This has been the craziest year of my life, but you are wonderful.  I love you, and your dad loves you.  I am happy to have this day to celebrate your presence in my life.



(and also to celebrate Jon and me because, you know... we survived.)

nine months!

Well, we are pretty sure our kid has completely exited the "baby" stage and is now in the "little boy" stage.  It is simultaneously sad, relieving, and terrifying.

Theo is fully mobile now, which is exhausting.  While he generally tends to stay close, every once in a while he surprises us and lets us know that nothing is off limits.  The best way to get him to sit still is to show him either the opening sequence of the Curious George tv show, or the opening credits of 101 Dalmatians.  (Think we know those two by heart?  You bet we do.)  He also will stop whatever he's doing whenever he hears himself in a video that we've recorded of him.  Proof that sometimes he will literally only listen to himself.

We have bought him a few toys, but honestly his favorites things to play with are regular household items: my wallet, the recycling and trash bins, and empty cardboard boxes.  He is particularly fond of remotes and last month he slobbered our Apple TV remote to death - as if to say, "this is mine now, you can no longer use it."

He is the most non-picky eater I never expected.  Of course, there is still time for the pickiness to arrive, but for now he eats anything we put near his mouth.  He loves avocado and bread, but most of all, ice cream. (go ahead, judge us!)

He has found his voice, and it is LOUD.  We have reached the point where silence is suspicious and loud squawking is the norm.

Appearance-wise, he looks like a giant.  We aren't around other babies/children on a regular basis, but when we are we realize just how big and tall he is.  His once crazy, stand-up-straight hair has now calmed down and flattened, and much of his chubbiness has disappeared due to the increase in movement.

He loves stroller rides and treating his parents like jungle gyms.  He is the best traveller and loves sleeping with his "foofies" (a blanket and a small rectangle knitted with super-soft yarn).  He is happy and energetic and 100% our favorite.  We love him to death and are having the best time with him these days.

mother's day.

It was a bit of a strange day, only because I still can't quite call myself a mother without it feeling so weird.  (also I'm having the hardest time liking any of the "mother" monikers and nicknames, so I have no idea what to call myself in relation to Theo)  I haven't always wanted to be a mother, and even now there are some days that are so tough and crazy I can't imagine why anyone wants to be a parent.  I often think about all the things I'd like to do in my lifetime and try to figure out how this little guy fits into it all.  I have to admit I haven't figured out how it all might come together, but I'm sure it will all work out.  Some nights after I've done all the chores and fed all the people and the house is still standing and I haven't uttered a single swear word during the day, I feel like anything is possible.

I can't imagine life without my boy now that I have him.  I'm thrilled he's my bébé, and I'm thrilled to be his maman.

pool baby.

six months!

Our little kiddo is six months!

Theo is chubbier than ever, and it makes the squeezy hugs so much better.  I am trying to teach him about closed-mouth kisses.  There are a lot of slobbery puppy kisses these days.  It's cute sometimes but very... wet.

We have somehow taken to calling him "bubby."  Jon thinks it's some kind of combination of "baby" and "puppy."  I honestly can't remember who started calling him that, but I think one day I just started saying it and couldn't stop.

He is happy, active, and just the best to be around.  We love ya, bubby!

in the bark of the night.

So our neighbor has this dog.  I know nothing of the breed, gender, age, size - anything really.  Except what it sounds like.  I know extremely well what the dog sounds like.  Sometimes I've heard that dog so much in a short amount of time that I forget the fact that I am anti-animal-cruelty and I... make some threats.

And then I remember that we make the noise situation around these parts pretty bad, too.  Theo has been more vocal lately whenever he gets unhappy, and since the weather has been nice the last month we've had our windows open pretty much 24/7.  Most of the time I get the nearest window closed during a freakout, but Theo has started executing the backward-dive-bomb move when he's particularly angry, and sometimes it's between making sure my kid doesn't crack his skull open or sparing my neighbors the deafening baby screams (which sometimes set off the dog).  So basically, between the dog and our kid, we are really nailing the surrounding area with a double-whammy of overwhelmingly obnoxious sounds.

What I'm trying to depict here is an image of noise.  Loud, constant, annoying noise.  I'm not a fan of noise.  It's one of the first things to ignite my temper and it is the only thing that makes me miss those silent YSA ward sacrament meetings.  I associate it with chaos, discord, messiness and modern-day pop music (the latter resulting in a twist of fate I call "oh lord I'm turning into my parents").  Not to mention, noise is apparently what will set a zombie off on a rampage - thereby, noise will be what kills me in the end.

And while most days I sit and wonder in absolute terror if this is the new norm, really the best I can do is just invent truths to make the fact of all the noise a little easier to swallow.

Like, the neighbor's dog is helping rescue 99 stolen puppies Twilight Bark-style.  Every single day.
And, Theo is learning to express himself and this will lead to some profound piece of artistry one day.

It's all a load, but sometimes it works.  And when it doesn't, then it's chocolate and Dr. Pepper to the rescue.  I should probably give some to our neighbors.

while we were out.

We recently just got back from a long trip up north to visit my family.  Theo and I were up for about a week and a half before Jon joined us for Easter weekend.  Though he can't communicate the most effectively, I'm pretty positive Theo had a blast.  I thought there would be a sort of rough warming up period between him and my family members, but within the very first minute everyone was cracking each other up.  He ate up all of the attention and I think a part of him knew he was basically royalty.

Trip adventures included a night in Vegas (I want to live in the Bellagio, or at least the Hermès store), my very first BYU volleyball game (my theory that the team I root for always loses whenever I go to games in person is still solid), "awwww"-ing all of the brand new baby animals in the fields (I named the smallest and cutest ones "Theo"), sneaking Theo the tiniest bit of frozen yogurt (already hooked), eating wayyy too much Easter candy (and buying even more when it went on clearance), and dying over my mom's new hardwood floors and kitchen countertops (so jealous).

Japanese Garden Art Installation at the Bellagio.

BYU Volleyball shenanigans.

in the middle of telling a riveting story.

(week before) Easter outfit, clearly thinking church is the greatest.

It was a grand old time and it was hard to leave.  And it's even harder to get Theo back into Arizona's time zone and his old nap/sleep routine.  He is all mixed up and subsequently the parentals are pretty tired.



Postscript: referring to myself as a "parent" is like, still the weirdest thing in the world.

stripes on stripes on stripes.

This kid becomes more of his own person every week, and it is so fun to meet the new and improved Theo every time.