mother's day 2018.

I don't have much to say this Mother's Day, except that the way Theo says "love you!" is "mom-mom!"  It's kind of perfect.

But not quite as perfect as they are!

my kids were really good to me this week.

The other day I made Vivienne laugh for the first time.  Her tiny giggle was so cute, and I can't wait to hear it again. She is a funny little bunny and I'm so glad she's in my life and with our family.

But Theo really took the cake this week.  I was busy doing some chore in the house and I could hear Theo jibber-jabbering like normal, but I wasn't exactly listening to him.  But then I heard it.

"Mom."



I don't know how long he had been saying it, it could have been for a long time.  But the reason I didn't hear it is because I've never heard it before.  This week marks the first where Theo has called me "mom" without any prompting from me first, and I can barely get enough.  Last night I purposefully kept walking out of the room he was in so that as soon I was out of his sight he'd yell "MOM!!"

To be honest, it never really bothered me that much that I never heard Theo call me "mom" for all that time.  His speech delay hasn't been as significant a source of worry as it might be for other parents who experience the same thing.  Theo is happy and healthy and I'm thankful every day for that.  Communication troubles aside, I think he's a stellar kid and is doing just fine.

I've been shocked this week in how amazing it feels to hear my kid call me by name and verbalize my relationship to him.  I'm glad that I didn't know what I was missing all that time because it would have been pretty depressing.  But damn!  I really didn't know what I was missing.

I sure love being these a mom to these kids.

the ten commandments of being THB's mother.

1. Thou shalt not covet thy son's eyelashes.

2. Thou shalt always give him the last bite of the snack you're sharing - it doesn't matter if it's small, or if you have eaten more of the snack than he has.

3. Thou shalt not leave the bathroom door open, or else all of the q-tips will end up on the floor.

4. Thou shalt stifle your laughter when he takes a slapstick-like spill not on purpose.

5. Thou shalt be accepting of his fascination with birds, even though you're scared of them.

6. Thou shalt be accepting of him splashing in the bathtub, because at least he takes baths.

7. Thou probably shouldn't have bought a refrigerator with a bottom freezer because now the ice cream sandwiches are within his reach.

8. Thou shalt not bother becoming exasperated when he empties the bookshelves of their contents because it happens 50 times a day and isn't worth it.

9. Thou shalt not leave the bag/box of Lamar's donuts out on the counter where he can see unless you want to hear lots of whining and begging.

10. Thou shalt try not to cry when you catch a glimpse of what he'll look like in five years and end up being like, wait I thought I had a baby...?

mother's day 2016.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  Theo was all about his dad and gave me an estimated combined total of five minutes of attention yesterday.  And actually, it was pretty amazing!  (Poor Jon.)  But the little time that Theo and I did interact with each other was indeed nice.  He has become extremely generous with his kisses and hugs as of late.  Sometimes he gives them without me asking (and then quickly runs away to return to playing)!!  It's a special thing.  {Insert rambling overly-flowery language about how it won't always be like this I must cherish this time, yada yada}

I'm trying to think of something interesting to say about Mother's Day, but for some reason all I can think of are the lyrics to Dear Theodosia from Hamilton.  (I know It's Quiet Uptown is like, the tear-jerker of the whole musical, but Dear Theodosia gets me every time, it's so precious.)

Mother's Day just seems like a minefield for accidentally saying something offensive and then you've pissed off a woman and then good luck to you.  And I've never cared much for being recognized for doing anything, let alone for being a parent, so the day is just weird for me.  What do I say?  What do I not say?  Am I happy to be a parent?  Well, of course, but how do I let people know that it's not all I'm about and so I'm uncomfortable being praised for being willing to devote my whole life to my children?  How do I do that while also not offending the people who carry out that devotion cheerfully or uncheerfully?  How do I say that I prefer to call myself a parent instead of a mother because I don't think I fit into that word and all of the meanings people load it with?  What even is an actual, universally agreed-upon, literal definition of a mother these days?  And how do I politely let my family know that breakfast in bed is actually the worst and I'd rather we all have breakfast together at the table?

I more appreciate the existence of Mother's Day as it is a day for reflection.  I appreciate that there is a day set aside for people to think about (and recognize) the women in their lives who made a difference, made them stronger, made them into happy, well-functioning people.  And I appreciate the opportunity for women to think proudly on (and be celebrated for) their accomplishments, not the least of which is raising children.  Mother's Day is a good day.  Some like it more than others, some have huge expectations for it, some roll their eyes at antiquated norms, and some can't put away the "but the patriarchy!" soapboxes.  (And some silently pray that there's no breakfast in bed.)

But it is a good day.  And it was a good day.

mother's day.

It was a bit of a strange day, only because I still can't quite call myself a mother without it feeling so weird.  (also I'm having the hardest time liking any of the "mother" monikers and nicknames, so I have no idea what to call myself in relation to Theo)  I haven't always wanted to be a mother, and even now there are some days that are so tough and crazy I can't imagine why anyone wants to be a parent.  I often think about all the things I'd like to do in my lifetime and try to figure out how this little guy fits into it all.  I have to admit I haven't figured out how it all might come together, but I'm sure it will all work out.  Some nights after I've done all the chores and fed all the people and the house is still standing and I haven't uttered a single swear word during the day, I feel like anything is possible.

I can't imagine life without my boy now that I have him.  I'm thrilled he's my bébé, and I'm thrilled to be his maman.