on a personal note.

In the beginning of September Jon and I decided that we would not be traveling to Brazil this November after all.  We are so bummed about it.  Even though we still mean to go to Brazil one day, we don't think we'll ever get to go under our current circumstances - which made the decision to go in the first place so easy.

I want to divulge some of the details that led to the cancellation of this trip because I think they are worth sharing.

When we went to cancel the trip online we found out that, contrary to our previous understanding, our tickets were non-refundable.  The "refundability" of the trip was what made the decision to cancel a little easier.  But then we discovered they weren't after all, and so we kind of just looked at each other and said, okay well i guess we're going after all !

About a week went by, and Jon told me that he was going to call the airline company to see if something could be done so we could get a refund, or at least fee-free credit.  It seemed a little out of nowhere to me because I knew how much he wants to go back to Brazil, and so I asked him if he was okay.  He just told me that he'd been having really strong negative feelings about going.

This is the kind of person Jon is.  When he feels really strongly about something he acts on those feelings, no matter how hard or impossible or illogical it might seem.  And when he does so I trust him because I know he is doing the right thing.

Case in point: March 31st 2011.  Jon comes to my house at the end of the day and breaks up with me.  I am shocked and humiliated and confused and angry.  I'm trying to process everything that he's saying and trying to make sense of it all, but I can only focus on one thing he said: "I just have a feeling that this is right."

That night is still on my list of one of the most memorable nights of my life, and it's not because we're married now and everything's happy and I can forgive him for a momentary lapse in judgment.  It wasn't a lapse in judgment.  He was right.  He was so right.

And I know he's right this time too, even if we have no concrete understanding of why the trip needs to be cancelled.  If there is one thing that I've learned since I've met Jon, it's that sometimes you do things that don't make sense but you do them because you just know that's what you're supposed to do.

So not this time Brazil, but another.  Definitely another.