11 February 2014

three months.

Three months ago was my very first scheduled pre-natal appointment.  The first half of the visit was so terribly exciting, and then the second half was just terrible.  Ten days later I miscarried, and since then it's been a weird roller coaster of emotions.

Strangely it's also been a sort of "coming full circle" experience.  Things that I really truly want in my life haven't always come to me in the easiest way possible - they take work, self-actualization and an inordinate amount of patience.

Thankfully the hard part is over.  Everything stings a lot less, and the constant reminders that we aren't pregnant don't get under my skin as easily as they did even a month ago.  We joke about how I'm fiiiiinally back to my pre-pregnancy weight and we don't have to place bets on whether or not our first kid will be born on our first wedding anniversary.  I'm happy to say that we are happy people.  In all reality, we feel very lucky and understand that there are miscarriages of all varieties and ours in particular hasn't squashed our hopes for our future.

In the meantime, instead of being sad about our current childless situation, we are enjoying our life of peace and freedom that we'll no doubt miss eventually.  And that's the gospel truth.