29 October 2012

history of a furry vest.

and now boys and girls, i shall tell you the story of the elusive and perfect furry vest.

the quest began a year ago.  every time i went out where clothes are sold my brain was trained to find anything faux fur and see if it was the perfect vest destined to be mine.  because i wanted one so badly.  i pictured it all in my head, and a life with a furry vest was surely one of the happiest lives of all time.

but, NOTHING.  i found fur vests, but they weren’t right.  either the color was wrong, the shape of the vest was such that it didn’t quite fit right, or the fur wasn’t the right kind.  it was all very disappointing.  the cold weather went away and so did my furry vest dreams.

and then i found it last august.  the perfect one, my betrothed.  he was a sneaky one – hidden and squished between other tops on a rack.  but oh, he was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen hanging on a hanger.

unfortunately there were a few problems.  the first was that my mom was there when i saw, gasped, and ran to him.  (“ewwwww!” was her response)  the second was the hard time i’d have trying to justify its presence in my closet, what with the lack of job and all.  the third was the practicality of it all.  i mean, what the heck.  a vest with fur?!  girl you outta yo dang mind.

so i went home that day without the vest.  and you know what?  i felt intensely regretful that night when i laid in bed.  FACT: many times i have laid in bed at night feeling regret for a purchase i did make earlier that day.  but i had NEVER felt it the opposite way before.

then and there, i decided.  practicality and justification nothin'.  i was going to get that vest! (as soon as my mom left town.)

of course, i quickly faced another problem.  señor juan.  being known as “that guy who lets his girl buy and wear furry vests and walks next to her while she does” might not exactly be his steez, ya know?

so asked him.  to furry vest or not to furry vest?  and i made him a couple of promises.  first: it looks awesome on me.  second, and i quote: you are going to love it, i promise.  imma wear it and you’ll be all, ‘daaaaaaaang girl, don’t ever take that thing off cuz you smokin!!

in-store details aside, i did get it.  i took it home and i hung it up in my closet with the rest of my cooler-weather-clothes.  and i have been hoarding this baby in my closet for two months now, dying to wear it.

on thursday i wore it.  i got tired of waiting for 60s and low 70s.  80s (with 60s in the morning, mind you) has been good enough for me.  i've worn it every day since then.  and jon has been a saint.

i am positive that every single woman i've walked past while wearing this is also contemplating a quest for the vest.
(men too, bless their fashionable souls.)
this vest is one powerful little dude.  all of my outfits want me to add the vest to them.  so i comply.

buyer beware: like all vests, you have to be careful if you're planning on being in pictures with it.  be wary of body-straight-on pictures.  if your body takes on the hour-glass shape even in the smallest way, the vest has the potential to ruin that silhouette and make it look like your whole body is the width of your hips.  the proof is in these pictures.  non merci.  know your shape and work those angles in the dressing room before you buy.

"the girl with the furry vest"?  that's definitely my steez.

postscript: i think i just accidentally pulled a "wear it 3 ways" dealio here... bonus?

update: mother goose just sent me a message. "My dear, you know I love you... But you look like you're wearing couple of raccoons!!"


  1. By the title "History of a Furry Vest", don't you mean "History of MY Furry Vest"????
    pretty funny, but like mom said, you look like you are wearing a couple raccoons...

    1. haha, exactly why i waited for her to leave before i bought it. don't you have a hurricane to prepare for???