06 September 2012

making heavy of light matters, question mark??

or the opposite?  oh gosh, i don't know.

so i've been wracking my brain for weeks, trying to write this post without coming off as offensive or politically incorrect.  i've decided to just forget it all, and since when did i decide that i was going to do anything and everything to make sure i don't offend anyone anyway?  i made no such decision.  i'm completely indecisive!

mother goose bought me these shorts a few weeks ago.  i have them in bright yellow and also this coral color.

you know what i call them?

my fat kid shorts.

and when i tell people that they're my fat kids shorts, i do it with great enthusiasm and i simultaneously shake my hips.  because i love my fat kid shorts.  even though they're kind of big on me.

the name comes from the fact that the pants are size 18+ from gapkids.  i'm a huge believer in the kids section at gap.  it's a pretty cheap gold mine if you can manage it.

anyway, i honestly am not exactly sure what offense i think i might be making.  i think i don't want to seem like i'm making fun of fat kids or that i'm being insensitive by repeating the phrase "fat kid" or that i'm trying to capitalize on my petiteness with their non-petiteness in a really mean way... ???

a part of me feels obligated to say this:  it's not all peaches and cream being kid-size.  the upper part of me that's kid-size is flat like unto a board.  i mean, even with help from victoria i can chest bump with the best of them and suffer no damages whatsoever.  the lower part of me that's kid-size is fat-kid-size, not skinny-kid-size.  i've got a plenty healthy bum and thighs and the stretch marks to prove it. (tmi??) so there!

in conclusion:

  • i'm not trying to be mean to fat kids.
  • sometimes you're kid-size in the places where you want to be adult-size. (tmi part two??)
  • football is back (HALLELUJAH), you wanna chest bump me to prove that claim up there?
  • i love my fat kid shorts.  you can't take that away from me.

(be careful about giving jon a camera while you're watching football.  especially if you talk to the television.)

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