14 December 2011

pregnancy tests, and what having to buy one makes me worry about.

so for part of my thesis, i need to buy a pregnancy test.

pregnancy test?  what?!?

i'm sorry?  oh.  well, you simply skipped the first part of the sentence.  the part that said FOR PART OF MY THESIS.  it's okay, trigger words and all that - it happens.

anyway, i'm really nervous to go out and buy it!

i mean, i know i'm not pregnant, and i guess that's what matters... but people see stuff like a not-married-girl buying a product for that not-married-girls shouldn't have to buy and they assume stuff!

and really, story of my life lately - being "assumed" and everything.

your dream is to have a family?  and not to be published?
someone more dedicated could have had your spot in this program.

wait, your parents bought that house?
must be nice coming from a wealthy family.

oh, you're a mormon?  and a girl?
your future looks promising.

creative writing?
that sounds like a fun a major.
you trying to be the next stephenie meyer?
what do you plan on doing with that?
writing good literature for members of the church?  that's exactly what we need!
you didn't want to do as much work as literature majors, huh?

oh, you're dating that guy?  again??
yay for getting married!

i'm sorry, what would you like to name one of your kids?
better talk to him about it first!

all to which i end up responding with a timid, excuse me? because i've grown significantly less confrontational since high school, and i'm also slightly stunned that it has become okay to speak to people this way and can think of nothing else to say.

yeah, i get freudian slips and everything.  and i can agree that we should all be able to look past our speaking-before-thinking moments.  and assumptions are a natural human flaw.

but seriously, has everyone assembled together previously and decided that they're going to have those speaking-before-thinking, slash, assuming moments when they're talking to me?

i know we live in a social networking age and fbook and all that stuff aims to make our lives transparent.  and i know that i'm writing a blog in which i talk about my life and share it with almost anyone.

but can we (you) find it within ourselves (yourself) to not become so invested in other people's lives (my life)?

i've done it - made an investment in someone else's personal life - and i remember the very last time i did it.  what i said to my friend made me feel so terrible and i resolved to not care about other people's lives like that ever again.  i have enough problems in my own life (clearly) and i need to invest my time and energy into fixing those problems.  it's not that i don't care about other people, i just choose not to care about other people's lives as they don't have any bearing on what is necessary or important to my life (i tried to word that so that it didn't sound selfish, did it work?  i don't mean this in a selfish way!!).

i know i can't ask or expect people to be like me.  that would be weird.

but i'm tired of worrying about the decisions i make or think about making and whether or not they will disappoint other people because they've invested their own happiness in some aspect of my life.

and i don't want to have to worry about a freudian slip-esque thing of my own one day.  because then i'll just start responding with cheeky things like:

i'm dedicated enough to rip your work to pieces in the next workshop!
it is nice, and my wealthy parents also wire 200 dollars to my bank account every week right after their tuesday luncheon with mr. gates and his wife.
my future is promising, there will be six other women in it helping me out with house chores and babies.
i bet it's funner than yours!
in your mind, is that a high-reaching goal?
i told you, i don't know!!
cool well, don't look too hard for my name at deseret books...
is it really that hard?  i'm sure someone has found a way to get away with reading the same books over the course of four years.
wait, you're getting married?!?  congratulations!!!
oh, you mean my dad?  yeah, you're probably right, i should consult him first.  heaven forbid he has to call one of his grandchildren jethro.
just a quick reminder, i'm not pregnant, nor do i suspect being pregnant.


  1. You can simply eliminate all the angst over this by having me buy the test kit. Then your nervousness will be replaced by humor as the sales clerk takes one look at me and starts laughing his/her guts out.

  2. well thank you. i'd certainly appreciate the favor, i'm sure!! :)