16 September 2011

1234, tell me that you love me more.

fact: in my history of institute-going, i have been known to hole myself up in the glacial quiet study room or retreat to some small corner in the building and hide.  some would call it anti-social-ness.  i'd call it afraid-of-being-social-ness.

that being said...

at the end of last semester following a series of roller-coaster-ish, yet divinely-inspired conversations, i made the resolution that this semester, i would do my best to change that.  even if it destroyed my comfort zone entirely.

as a result:

1. i have this sneaking suspicion that i've met more people in the last month than i've ever met in my life.
2. i've decided that mormons all look the same.
3. homework is too easily being neglected.
4. once or twice i've "rewarded myself" for being good and talking to people by going to the study room.

anyway, i was talking to someone in the kitchen the other day (who i actually already knew before this semester, he's in my ward) and for some reason we started talking about apps on our phones and he reminded me of this game we played in elementary school that was pretty much my.favorite.thing.ever.

do you remember these??

tangrams!  best thing ever, right?

seriously, these things made my day whenever we played with them in school, i loved them.  and i'll be honest, the other day i went home and looked at tangrams on amazon for a good fifteen minutes.

yeah, they're for ages 5-12... so what?

besides, a couple of years ago in my family, brigham started doing this random thing where he switched the numbers in our age and then that was our new age.  so when he was 9, he was actually 90, when bekki was 13 she was actually 31, etc.

so really, i'm 12 years old.  so there.

in conclusion...

1. tangrams are awesome.
2. talking to people makes me remember simple things like this (and therefore, talking to people is good).
3. being 12 is the best.
4. i'm less afraid, which i guess is a good thing.  doing something you aren't good at or totally comfortable with is really scary at first, but in the end everything seems to work out okay.

to end this post, i share an excerpt from this book i just read for class that i really love (the excerpt, not the book), even though the passage kind of makes me feel anxious about my life.

"What is the hardest thing you can possibly do?" Matron said when I went to her for advice on the darkest day of the first half of my life.
"Why must I do what is hardest?"
"Because, Marion, you are an instrument of God.  Don’t leave the instrument sitting in its case, my son.  Play!  Leave no part of your instrument unexplored.  Why settle for ‘Three Blind Mice’ when you can play the ‘Gloria’?”
“But, Matron, I can’t dream of playing Bach, the ‘Gloria’…,”
“No Marion,” she said.  “No, not Bach’s ‘Gloria.’  Yours!  Your ‘Gloria’ lives within you.  The greatest sin is not finding it, ignoring what God made possible in you.”
I was temperamentally better suited to a cognitive discipline, to an introspective field – internal medicine, or perhaps psychiatry.  The sight of the operating theater made me sweat.  The idea of holding a scalpel caused coils to form in my belly.  (It still does.)  Surgery was the most difficult thing I could imagine.
And so I became a surgeon.

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