06 June 2011

no title for this one, sorry.

it's probably not a good idea to write a blog post when emotions are high and thoughts are really scrambled, but i'm going to risk it here anyway.  fair warning.

something that i've really struggled with lately has to do with what I call "the inevitable party conversation."  It goes something like this:

other person:  So what are you studying right now in school?
me:  uh, english.  creative writing (exact words every time, "uh" and all).
op:  oh yeah?  what do you plan on doing with that?

and then i have nothing to say that will make me feel comfortable or confident.  in high school, it was a given for me that graduate school was something that I definitely would do.  but then i kind of got turned off to the idea of mfas and decided that maybe it wasn't something i was interested in.  also, i kind of fell in love with where i'm living now and therefore don't think i want to move anywhere else.  aaaand, asu's application for the mfa program really intimidated and scared me.  anyway, my answer to that questions lately has always been something along the lines of i have no idea.

but as of fifteen minutes ago, i've changed my mind (again) and decided that i'm doing this for real; i'm going to apply to asu's mfa program for creative writing.  maybe what was holding me back a little was something stupid or petty and i'm a picky person.  and odds are i'm going to be in the 96% that won't make it into the program, but one aspect of the honors college might prove to be beneficial for once and help me pull through on this one.  either way, i'm committing to this and putting it on the internet, which means once i click the publish button, this promise is here FOREVER.

it's asu or nothing, and i've got six months to get in mfa shape.  wish me luck!

postscript!  when all is said and done, if by some miracle this works out, i kind of kills me inside that i'll be forced to remember that i had this epiphany and made this monumental decision while studying at noble library.  just sayin'.
UPDATE (04 sep 2011): the mfa program is no longer a part of my future at this point.  i'm not going to get into specifics, but you can read a little bit about the reasons behind this change of plans in this post here.

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