12 June 2012

on longsuffering.

my last year of college i studied the old testament in institute.  the old testament is long.  and hard.  and, as i kept finding, a lot like my life.  which, of course, is normal.  the scriptures always mirror our lives when we read them with certain mindsets.  that's how we find answers.  that's why we read them.

but i keep going back to one story.  one person in the old testament.

her name is rachel.  rachel was "beautiful and well-favoured."

but when people think of rachel, they usually also think of infertility - the hot epidemic of all the great women of genesis, minus eve.

so, rachel.

what does she want?
babies.
what does she get?
barrenness.
what does she do about it?
she goes up to her husband jacob and says  hey!  what's up with my sister getting all your babies?  you give me some kids dude, or else i am going to die of longing and sadness! (genesis 30:1)
and what does he do?
he gets mad.  he says,  it's not like we're not trying or anything!  it's not my fault you're infertile!  this is God's will.  you take this up with him, woman. (ps, i love you the most and you're totes my favorite.) (genesis 30:2, minus the last part which i just assumed he said in some shape or form)

so rachel just sits by while leah and bilhah and zilpah all have babies with her husband.  jacob becomes the father of ten boys and one girl.  rachel is the mother of none of them.

then, the greatest words in all of the scriptures:

And God remembered Rachel.
(genesis 30:22)

oh glory, those are some good words!

rachel goes on to have two sons, joseph and benjamin.  and then joseph and benjamin together have twelve sons.  These are the sons of Rachel, which were born to Jacob: all the souls were fourteen.  (genesis 46:22)  she was called the mother of all of them.  she's one of my mothers!  one day i will meet her and i will get to tell her that i was cheering for her the whole time as a spirit baby.  i just know i was!  i was praying for her and making t-shirts that said "team rachel" and knowing the whole time that she would be a mother one day.  and when she became one, there'd be a chance for me to do the same.
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when i read these scriptures, i replace rachel's name with mine, and motherhood with desire so i can relate better.  sarah, rebekah, and rachel all wanted children more than anything.  motherhood was the desire of their hearts.

me?  the desires of my heart change from time to time.

sometimes it's a double scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

sometimes it's to live in a green place with an average amount of rain and even a little snow during the winter - because one day i'll have kids.  and even though i don't like snow, the kids will love it, and i will love them and their pink cheeks and noses.

sometimes it's to know if i'm heading in the right direction or if i'm just hanging out at a rest stop - waiting in the longest line to use the restroom since that feels like the most important thing on the agenda at the moment, and hopefully it's worth the wait because there are some impatient people waiting in the car, and they might just drive off without me!
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and, as it seems, tradition dictates that we can't have all of these things right away.  it doesn't mean that they haven't been promised to us or that the promises are being revoked.  it means that we must be patient.  it means that we need to be accepting of the Lord's timing.

there's a scripture in the new testament that says The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering. (2 peter 3:9)  this was true for sarah, and rebekah, and rachel, and me, and everyone of all time.

sometimes it feels like we're forgotten, but that's not true.  God remembers us.  God remembers me.  He always has.

3 comments:

  1. So great Kristin. I love that. "And God remembered Rachel." Thanks for the reminder!
    ~Rhonda~

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  2. What an awesome blog! You are a great writer, and this post is so insightful. And, as Rhonda said, it's a great reminder.

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