16 April 2012

i got the funk.


There's this Kings of Leon song that starts:
I used to see you everyday.
I used to see you everyday.

This afternoon at work the words in my head were:
I used to blog everyday.
I used to blog everyday.

I took that as a sign.  For today, at least.

People, I've just been in a funk lately.  And it's been pretty exhausting and bummy, let me tell you.  And I'm trying to be as optimistic about life as I possibly can, I really am. But all I can think about is how I just feel stuck right now.

...how senior year has been really mean to me, and I'm not ending it at all the way I thought I would.

...how I'm so sick of giving fake answers to people when they ask me the same questions over and over again:  Are you excited to graduate?  What will you do with your degree?  What are you going to do after graduation? (this last question is the most irritating, because everyone wants me to give one answer or another and it's like they want something(s) to happen in my life more or less than I want those same things, which is maddeningly absurd.)  The genuine answer to all three of these questions is an all-capped I DON'T KNOW, but that never seems to be acceptable to anyone.

...how I feel like, after months of praying for patience, I don't feel like I'm any more patient than I was a year ago.

...how I feel lost, like I still don't know where I'm going, even after almost nine months.

That's long enough to make a baby, people.  And I am ready to birth this baby of uncertainty and finally get to love and enjoy it for being cute and mine and worth it after nine months of stress.  Or something.


Want to know a side-effect of a really bad funk?

Bizarre dreams.

I've been having a lot of them lately, but the cake was taken by a dream the other night in which I saw this hipster who looked like Mister Rogers, and I instantly had a major crush on him.  Weird, right??

But it got me thinking...



via google


via uo
via jcrew


I'm definitely seeing a resemblance.  Fred Rogers had to be some kind of hipster ancestor.  Or at least one of the early inspirations.

(For the record. I loved Mister Rogers, he was the man.)

4 comments:

  1. Kristin, I KNOW how this kind of funk feels. I hate the feeling of giving a generic answer or comment. In my experience, those generic answers/comments (how I "should" feel) have brainwashed me into believing I'm fine with everything, when I'm really NOT. So, keep on being honest with yourself; it is SO healthy. I loved your metaphor. Hang in there. I think you're pretty awesome.

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    Replies
    1. thanks sara, you're so nice! and i'm glad the metaphor made sense, haha!

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  2. I used to talk to you everyday.
    I used to talk to you everyday.

    ReplyDelete