02 January 2012

gone fishin'.

so.  new year's resolutions.  ya got any?
what?  go fish?  well, shoot.  okay.
HA!  fish my wish!!  SO THERE!

i like making resolutions.  in a weird kind of way.

resolutions and i, we have a love-hate relationship.  i love fulfilling goals and all that... but dang it, in this relationship my resolutions-boyfriend makes me cry all the time!  i get all kinds of emotional this time of year when i'm trying to set goals for myself and oh is it terrible.  the crying part, at least.  the truth is, i don't always mind that i learn a lot about myself during this week (i call it resolutions week) every year.  sometimes i learn awesome things.  usually i learn the sobering things.  but all of those things always shape my perspective and eventually end up doing good things for me (too many things in that paragraph, sorry).

and this week really does affect the entire year for me.  i remember very clearly a specific resolution that i made for myself last year and the many moments in which that goal came into play.  these resolutions, i am telling you... they don't just hang around the first few days of januarys (januaries?) only!

january 2012 is a tad different than past januarys (this is the spelling i'm sticking with), and it has everything to do with the fact that i am absolutely terrified for it.  way more scared than i was for 2011.

i'm realizing now that 2011 was like, scared-that-the-bully-will-pants-you-in-gym-class scared.

2012 is more like, scared-that-your-same-bully-has-his-own-bully-who-doesn't-just-pants-people-he-turns-them-inside-out-and-pokes-your-insides-which-are-now-outside scared.

i've been on pins and needles on so many different fronts for the past four months and i'm still there and i have no idea how to move forward to that happy field with wildflowers and sunshine and picnic blankets where i can nap under the sun with full confidence that i know what i am doing and it's the right thing to do!

i want to be in that place so badly 2012, take me there PLEASE!!

these are the few things that i do know:

1. everything always works out in the end, and it ends the way it is supposed to.
2. Heavenly Father loves me and wants to see me grow and be happy.

i know both of these really well.

and while my resolutions-boyfriend hasn't completely taught me everything he has prepared for this week yet, i have learned this:

my life will be so much better if i can manage to develop some real, honest faith in myself.

and if that isn't a sobering moral to a lesson then i don't know anything, and i might as well just quit right now.

needless to say, i'm kind of scared for what else i'm going to learn this week... but i've decided to take on a new challenge to make me forget to be scared.  yeah distractions!!


oh hush, this is absolutely completely different than what i did last march (were you even there for that?)!  besides, can you resist the opportunity to watch me assume that you care about what i eat for breakfast or buy or keep in my fridge?



come now, don't be a party pooper.

2 comments:

  1. I really appreciate your candor, Kristin. Keep it up. Number 3. Something I adore is my 2 year old Lucy telling me, "I love you SO much, Mommy".

    ReplyDelete
  2. aww, she's the cutest! i love your post updates about lucy, they are the best!!

    ReplyDelete